The Facts Of Life



* The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and 

  stupidity.

 

* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

 

* Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier

  to live with.

 

* Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check

  3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.

 

* Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

 

* A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

 

* It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer 

  in rats.

 

* Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

 

* If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

  COROLLARY:  If you are given a take-home test, you will forget

  where you live.

 

* The trouble with doing something right the first time is that

  nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

 

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as

  a warning to others.

 

* Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

 

* Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems.

  It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd 

  be paranoid, too.



* A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make

  you feel happy to be on your way.



* Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from 

  where you left them to where you can't find them.

 

* Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the 

  fan will not be evenly distributed.





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